Personal Statement


This is my rough draft personal statement for my medical school application. Let me know what you think of it.

At the age of ten, I came close to dying. The first night of spring break I became very sick. Parents thought it was the flu because I had nausea and abdominal pain with a high fever. I later started throwing up and all of my symptoms became worse. After a day of being sick and the pain getting worse, my parents decided to take me into the hospital. I had a series of tests performed and the doctors determined that I had appendicitis. The attending surgeon was already performing several other surgeries and he did not have enough time to perform mine. The doctors called the on-call surgeon, but he refused to come in because he had to be to the airport early in the morning. There was not anybody who the doctors could find to perform the surgery. The hospital then started calling other hospitals to see if anyone would perform it on me. In the meantime, I was getting much worse. Finally, someone agreed to perform the surgery on me, but he was in another hospital thirty minutes away. This surgeon was about to end his shift and he agreed to wait and operate on me. By the time we made it to the hospital, my appendix was close to bursting and the surgery had to be performed immediately. This surgeon was the first one to inspire me to become a doctor because of how he treated me.

This surgeon is in contrast to my old gastroenterologist. A year and a half ago, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease. I was terribly sick for about a year and was not showing any signs of getting better. He performed test after test on me and he thought I was completely fine but I was still in pain. After one of the tests, he told my parents that I probably was making up all of my problems. At that moment, we decided to change doctors. When I went to the new doctor, he believed everything that I said. He performed the same tests on me and found the same results as the previous doctor, but he still believed me. This doctor was willing to continue working with me until I started feeling better. He eventually discovered that my current medications were not having their full effect. He then prescribed me new medications and I have progressively gotten better. Now, I am feeling much better and I am almost back to my normal self. As I have dealt with this new doctor, I have been further inspired to become a doctor because of how he treats me.

These two doctors taught me to treat others how I want to be treated. When I am sick, I want to be treated with the best treatments, care, and doctors. This means that I will try to become the best doctor that I can be and go the extra mile so that I can give my patients the best care. To me, the best doctor is one who is nice, willing to listen, and full of concern for his patients. He is willing to spend time with his patients and help them in any way possible. This type of doctor would also be willing to do research and work until the problems with the patient are solved. He also will not give up or claim that the patient is wrong if he cannot discover the answer. Most importantly, the best doctor has a love for others and wants them to live better, healthier lives. This is the type of doctor that I want to be treated by and this is the type of doctor that I will strive to become.

Treating others how I wanted to be treated has been a big part of my life since that first interaction with the surgeon. All throughout elementary school, high school, college, jobs, and everyday life, I have tried to treat others the best that I can. This is evident in my dealings with children, teenagers, adults, and the elderly. When I am working with my younger swimmers on the Utah Valley Aquatics team, I give those children the attention they need to become the best swimmers that they can possibly be. I am willing to work with them and I want them to succeed. In my time volunteering with Timpview High School, I want to help the students achieve their goals and dreams. There are times when I get up at 4:30 AM to meet with them and give them one-on-one instruction. I have also been more than willing to help them in many aspects of their life besides swimming. They know that I am there for them and that they only need to ask for my help. The same treatment is given when I am helping adults in Poco Loco Swim Shop. My job as manager and store clerk is to try to get the customer to return and this is done by helping them. Then when they return to the store, the customer knows that I am more than willing to help them. Finally, in volunteering at the retirement home, I have spent hours listening to the elderly. I have heard their life stories and have seen the happiness on their faces when I have shown interest in their lives. Besides talking with them, I also make crafts with them and I have the pleasure of seeing their joy in doing such a simple task with them. I go the extra mile to treat others in a good way because this is how I want to be treated. As a doctor, I will carry this exact same attitude in my practice as well. I believe that we need more doctors like this and this is why I want to become a doctor.


Anonymous said...

You're awesome.

camille said...

i'm an editor and recently someone had me edit their personal statement for their med school application. let me know if you want me to give some comments on yours.

good luck with applying! YIKES

Bravone said...

Great mission statement!