I'm drowning right now. I don't know what to do. I'm glad school is almost back in session because I think that will help me out. I think I need to take a break so I can start to tread water again and begin to swim again.

People Pleaser


Hello, my name is Sean and I am a people pleaser. If you haven't met me, you'll have to believe me. It is something that I do. I love seeing people happy and knowing that I played a part in making them happy. I can sometimes really careless about myself in order to make someone else happy, except if the situation is making me look bad. The problem with being a people pleaser is that in order to make everyone happy, I sometimes lie, tell half truths, hide things from that person, and do things that I really don't want to do. I also have the problem of saying no to people. This causes a lot of problems and it can lead to hurt feelings, loss of friendships, and many other detrimental effects. I need to find a happy medium of being a people pleaser. I need to learn that I cannot please everyone and I cannot always make myself look good and not bad (I'm imperfect too, even though I don't like to admit this to others).

Christ-like People


On Wednesday, I had an interesting conversation with a customer that I have been good friends with for a very long time and it almost ended with me coming out to him. This conversation was one of the most spiritual conversations that I've had in awhile and I thought I would share parts of it with you and my thoughts. Darren, the customer, is almost 50 years old. He was once a member of the Church, but decided to leave (I'll tell you the reason why later in my post). He is also very liberal and loves to cause controversy here in Happy Valley by making certain comments that outs him as a liberal in a very conservative zone.

Our conversation started off by him asking me what my plans were for the future. I told him that I am possibly joining a research team this fall studying HIV, that in a couple of years I wanted to be in medical school, and other things like that--just my typical future goals and what not. He then asked me if I wanted to go to U of U for medical school and I told him, "Hell no!" He was kind of surprised by that answer and I was kind of surprised that I swore in front of him. He then asked why and I told him that I wanted to get out and experience life outside of Utah (save me from the bubble). We then discussed how most people in the Church are very conservative. He then asked me my beliefs. I told him that I support gay marriage, abortion, stem cell research, and many other controversial topics. He was kind of surprised by my response.

He then decided to tell me his story of why he left the Church. He left the Church because he felt like the people in it were too hypocritical and judgmental. He also said, "People in the Church make themselves look like they are welcoming and accepting, when in realty, they are rarely that way." According to Darren, members do not take what they say to heart. I would have to agree with this and I know that I am guilty of this sometimes--the whole world is.

Who are we to judge another person? We are nobody and we do not have the right to judge another person--only Christ has the right. Sure we can judge a situation as being good or bad, but we should never judge a person that way. They may differ from our beliefs, but they might be some of the nicest people around. Would Christ shun someone because he is gay and supports gay marriage, stem cell research, and abortion? No, he wouldn't (well, I believe he doesn't cause that's me). Would Christ shun a conservative, old woman, who likes to drink coffee and tea? No! He loves all of us and judges us by our situation and life events. We should not judge others. We should be Christ-like people and love one another. We should be accepting of everyone and show them that we love them. We should also give them the same basic rights because it is the right thing to do.

This sounds corny but think, "What would Jesus do?" You know he would be loving and accepting of everyone despite the choices that they are making. Another corny statement... Love the sinner and hate the sin. Show everyone Christ-like love and become more like Christ.

On My Own


I always try to do things by myself. I don't like help from others because I think and sometimes know that I am plenty capable of doing things on my own. When I rely on others, I feel weak and I don't like to feel that way. I want to have power and control over the situation.

My bishop told me last Sunday that my main problem is always wanting to do things on my own and not rely on others, especially the Lord. He told me that with SSA I probably need to learn to rely on the Lord more than most people do because my life is hell and is really hard. The reason why we started talking about this is because I messed up big time and was and still am having a pretty hard time with life right now. I am sick of it--I just want to be done! It would be really nice to have a nice simple life without any problems, but this does not happen at all. My life is supposed to be this way. My bishop feels like I tend to forget the Lord and just push through life on my own. When I am righteous, I have the Spirit, but I don't listen to it. I don't need the Spirit's help or that's what I think. I think that I am strong enough to handle the situations I put myself in and when I know that I am not strong enough, I put myself into that situation anyways just to prove people and God wrong. This, however, doesn't usually happen. I usually fall and mess up.

The sad part is that all of this is true. I am not humble at all. I am a proud bastard! I don't like others helping me and I would much rather do it on my own. I am independent and proud when I do things on my own. When I accomplish something, I did it all by myself, not with the Lord's help. It's all about me having power and control over my life.

How do I get rid of this pride? How do I start relying on the Lord and others? I know that I need to start relying on the Lord more since I plan on staying in the Church, but I don't know how to do it. Does anyone have some advice for me? (Hey! It's my first step by asking others for advice...)