I think that my bishop wants me to get endowed soon and has started preparing me for that big leap. I know that he originally mentioned to me that when I go off to medical school that it would be a good idea to get endowed before I go. He hasn't brought the idea up for a very long time, but all of the sudden he has been meeting with me at least once a month, if not more, when we haven't done that in almost a year now. Another one of my suspicions is due to the fact that I was recently called be the librarian in the ward. I haven't had a calling in over two years now (I'm not even a home teacher--he told the elder's quorum president not to give me any families and partner) and then all of the sudden he whips a calling out to me. During the calling interview, I told him that I was scared that I was going to be a primary teacher due to the fact that I don't have a lot of time to prepare since I'm always studying. He then mentioned that calling might be on its way. I'm not sure if he was joking or if he is preparing me for teaching callings, then other bigger callings, and then receiving my endowments.

To quite honest, I'm completely scared to have my endowments taken out and I personally don't want to do it. There is still a lot of aspects of my life that I'm still unsure in--the Church being one of them. Am I willing to stay in the Church my whole life, even if that means not getting married, having children, and having a significant other? Am I going to eventually fall away and by making the endowment promises throw myself to the dogs of hell? Am I even sure that the Church is true? Along with a lot of other questions that will probably not go away anytime soon.

I'm only 21 years old! I am not old enough to make decisions of this great enormity and significance. Just like I'm not old enough to make the decision to marry. I'm still unsure about my route in life. Right now, I plan on staying in the Church because I don't want to be kicked out from BYU among other things. What happens after that though? How will my life change? I want to get out and experience life outside of Utah before I make my final decision on what I really want in life. Again, I'm only 21 and I still have a lot of living, growing, and learning to do.

It makes me wonder if the only reason why my bishop wants me to be endowed soon is to help keep me in the Church.


Kengo Biddles said...

You're more equipped than most missionaries, Sean.

And is the bishop wanting you to stay in the Church such a bad thing? He's just trying to help you in the way he knows is best (from his point of view at least).

I think you need to sit down and think about it and decide. There are definitely spiritual blessing from the temple, but at the same time, "to whom much is given, much is required."

Think about it--and don't get pressured into doing anything, one way or the other. You have to make this decision for you.

Ezra said...

I personally never got my endowment, and I'm glad I didn't, because I think it would have made it harder to come to a decision--because who would want to break ANOTHER covenant with God?

Bravone said...

Sean, The temple can be a wonderful experience and source of strength, but should be done when you are ready to make sacred covenants. You don't need to have a perfect testimony, but should have a pretty firm gospel foundations first.

You could use his invitation as a motivator to start a process of personal conversion that could prepare you for the temple experience. You could set specific goals concerning prayer, study and righteous living that will help you to be ready for that sacred experience.

If you go through this process and decide you still are not ready, you will at least have fortified your spiritual core which will benefit you no matter what the future holds.

Jensen's said...

I do not think receiving your endowments is a good idea. In Utah I think too many people think it is just what you need to do, go on mission, get married, and if those havent happened before 22 then you better just go to the temple. The temple ceremony is SERIOUS!! It is more then just a milestone that needs to be checked off on the way to the celestial kingdom!! It is not something to be taken lightly and I am glad you are really thinking about your standing with God and the church before making any decisions!!! Sometimes people go to the temple thinking it will solve all their problems and answer all the questions when in fact it will often do the opposite!!

David said...

Well, everyone has pretty much said what I was going to say, Sean...but it sounds like you've already thought things out and pretty much come to a good decision. No reason to rush into anything if you are unsure or don't feel ready, whether it's getting your endowment or getting a boyfriend or whatever. Getting endowed is a great spiritual experience, but it's not going to change the way you feel or clear up any of your other questions.

A CROW'S VIEW said...

Sean you are a wonderful person. If you know something is true, then just go with it. Yes it will be hard, but if you honestly believe in it, have faith in it, then don't take council in your fears. Have faith in God and just do it.